corporateaccount:

vodkaandmud:

corporateaccount:

pastabot:

i went out to smoke and saw my cat sitting next to a dead mouse wtf

weird! i saw a really tall man ten weeks ago

Are y sure it wasn’t 11

can’t be too sure about anything these days

catsandwich:

catsandwich:

OH IM SORRY MOM DID THE MIDDLE OF MY SENTENCE INTERRUPT THE BEGINNING OF YOURS?!?!!?/1/!?!?1/!/1?

i told my mom that this post started gaining me followers when i first posted it and she got really mad because she was offended and she actually interrupted me to tell me how rude it was 

So this happened at Subway the other day
  • Me wearing my Pizza John shirt at subway:
  • Sandwich Artist: Who's that guy?
  • Me: Um... John Green.
  • Sandwich Artist: I've heard that name before. Is he like running for president?
  • Me: No.. He wrote some books. You've probably heard of The Fault In Our Stars.
  • Sandwich Artist: oh yeah. That thing . Well he should run for president. I'd vote for him, since I take it from your shirt he's a pizza fan. I'm pro pizza.

mysteryplantgirl:

castielhasthephoneb0x:

i can nt breath this old man who has like the biggest onion ever is so pr ou d of it 

image

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LOOK HOW HAPPY HIS ONION MAKES HIM

this makes my heart smile

Anonymous:   i want ed sheeran to cover anaconda by nicki minaj

ofbeinghonests:

uniplusteddy:

littlebitofbass:

Okay, that is definitely the best suggestion I have ever heard. 

image

Also the best photoshopping I have ever done, amiright? xD

Omg this is amazing

LAUREN!!!!!!

illkim:

*waits for 911 to call me first so i don’t sound thirsty*

666-slut:

IF UR READING THIS U LOOK VERY CUTE TODAY AND ALSO ILY

trustwurthy